I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
