watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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