Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
