Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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