Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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