No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
