Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
