I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
