just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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