Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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