Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
