im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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