His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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