So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
