We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
