Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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