I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
