You really coming over, don't trick.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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