woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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