Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
