You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
