Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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