I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize