I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
