do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Houston, we have a blender
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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