the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
either way he was missing a nipple.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
