please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
