She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
