Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
