ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
