trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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