Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
