if only i could text you this smell
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
