I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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