no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
