this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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