i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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