He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
