if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just made my gag reflex go away.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
