my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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