Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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