Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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