And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
