I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
