sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
