This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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