Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Im part way to drunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
