I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
