When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its about making memories worth repressing
i wish my penis had a tongue
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
