The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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