Pants 0. Shit 1.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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