If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
