Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
