I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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