Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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