I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
