So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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