if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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