There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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