everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I fill condoms, not promises.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
