I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
