He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
