he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
