Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
