i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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