Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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