Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize