I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
