Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
