The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
