They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
